Today is the first day of 2018, Jan 1st. I feel like I gotta write some kind of goodbye and reflection about what I experienced over the past 12 months, because a lot happened, because I learned immensely, and it would be a shame to not acknowledge what I lived.
This year has been very special to me because it was so different than any other year lived in the past. Plus, my life changed drastically even within this time lapse, and more than once. It started off in Vancouver, with my mom and a snowy town, me and my freshness, just landed in Canada ready for the big change. I was starting university again in the place where I left everything behind many months back. The first semester was so rough, I went to school and it was tough, culture shock, trying to make new friends, I neglected my self-care and completely lost control in the end. It was hard, I isolated myself and felt like shit. University was hard on me but I succeeded in all of the courses. I basically did not live during those months, I was just a machine of study-sleep. Not many friends. A lot of fear and self-sabotage. But I had my happy moments. My closest friends were there, a new life was there. I was drop dead in May when the term ended, and was so happy to go back home to my family. I spent May in Rome for my sister’s 30th birthday party, and pretty much chillaxed. Still feeling weird, not so sure about who I was and what I wanted, my mind going in circles. I met the Swazi boys and they lit up my heart again. It was like a button being pushed again and this whole universe of being that I once knew but had forgot reappeared in front of my eyes. I understood how I wanted to live. I felt like community and love were the only ways to go forward, so I directed every energy an plan towards building those realities inside me and around me, from that moment on. I left for Peru in June, for the one month summer institute program with a community of people that I didn’t know yet was meant to become my community and support system in the months to come in Vancouver. It was all perfect. Peru was astounding, incredibly out-of-this-world. The experience was crazy. I had no expectations and left with a heart full of glitter, a deep vast sea full of purpose, love, family, spirit. Plant spirits, and a whole new perspective on the world. That trip opened me to life’s beauties again. The people saved me, I saved them, we saved each other, we were an ocean of hands intertwined in each other. A month is a lot of time and much can happen. We spent it at Sachamama, a place in the rainforest with three dogs, wise elders and lots of plant wisdom. It connected me back to my purpose and to the secrets of the ancestors, to the Earth’s language. Pat and Peter showed me how wisdom is quiet and it’s still being tought, even in the mainstream realities. It’s silent but it’s there, search it and it’ll come to you, opening up doors that once could seem unrealistic. The apus of the local indigenous communities showed me strenght, resilience, and the beauty of different lifeways of humans on Earth. We learned about the power of spirituality, of master plants that heal humans and that open us up to a completely different reality, I saw and touched the mother plant we call Ayahuasca, she called me to her. One day, I was walking in the woods next to our house with tons of mosquitoes drinking my blood, barefoot, I look up and I see this beautiful, big vine. I didn’t know what vine it was, but she was so beautiful. I touched her and said hi. Then I left. I discovered some days after that it was the Ayahuasca master plant vine. She was greeting me. I felt so blessed. The end of the experience was at a whole other level, even better than anything I could imagine. We were blessed with the amazingness of the apus (=mountains) of Peru’s Andes. We visited Cuzco, the ‘bellybutton’ of the Inkan Empire, and thanks to our guide Hipolito got in touch with the intricate inner ways and secrets of that population that once lived on and with those lands. We walked 5 days on the most sacred mountains, learning from them with each step. It was hard, and incredibly amazing. We saw glaciers and locals living with ridiculously little amount of oxygen, we saw smiles and mules, we saw the greatness of Nature. The mountains there are just mighty. We held ceremonies at each stop and asked for permission to cross those ways, the same that the Intiqchurinkas (‘sons of the Sun’) walked once. We survived the Salkantay trek, walking without stopping, feet bleeding and hearts open, with the help of the Coca leaf. Then seeing Machu Picchu. I never walked that much, it was so hard, nerve-wrecking, mentally challenging. But we did it. We did it all, and survived it. I then spent the next two months of the summer in my home country learning from my grandma’s ways, living in her village. I held a diary so that I could note down her stories and her ways of cooking. After that, I went back to Vancouver and moved into a house with two amazing ladies, my best friend and another goddess. It’s been so fun since thatn. My life drastically changed from that moment on. I took all the wisdom and knowledge collected during the months before and took it all with me to my new life in the old town, same old Vancouver, just lived differently, from another perspective. I enjoyed my time in that city for the first time in my life, starting from September 2017. I finally had a community to go to, amazing friends I could share my life with, amazing witches I could share my magic with, and wizards that knew much about life. I studied art and got to make a lot of it. I started running everyday and danced a lot. I met amazing people, very inspiring ones. I started kickboxing and learned how to punch and kick, finally. I started teaching meditation at Karma Teachers, the only Canadian non-profit yoga studio. I got to share my healing with people. I went to parties organized by incredibly humbling hippies full of art and love to share. We organized some, too. I got to see the change of the season and I am blessed enough to watch Vancouver’s mighty mountains from my living-room’s window. The last two months were scary because I felt like shit again, for reasons still to fully discover, but I am here now and I learned even more from that experience. Anxiety is real and is shit. And it came my way. And it left. I started working in an Italian cafe and it’s just so fun.
It’s still hard to live in Vancouver for me, since everything’s just so different from the Italian/European culture I am used to, but I am finally getting used to it, and I like it, too. I love my mountains, my cold, my snow, my English, my Canadian-ness, my hikes, my hippies and my Islands. I like my North.
It was just such a full year. It was so full of different experiences, inside and out. I have many New Year’s resolutions, and I will write them down on paper, because paper is 3d, and it is made of trees. Wishes on trees are much more alive than wishes online.
May all living being be happy, at peace, satisfied and free, and may the thoughts, words and actions of my everyday life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all. Lokaha Samasta Sukhinu Bhavantu